That's it.

当下的思绪要立即写下来，不然转念就忘记。如果可以有一个瞬间记录思绪想法的东西，并且转换成文字记录在博客里，那么，我早已经可以出若干本书了，只不过，这本书的好坏以及其利用价值都是有待商榷的。

爸爸不到八点半回来的，在微波炉里加热了妈妈下午做的腊八粥，另外配了一个馒头和姨妈元旦买来的熏的咸肉片，（看起来好像蒜泥白肉里面的白肉，呵呵。）待他洗完手洗完脸，我把热好的粥和馒头夹熏肉端到餐厅，他吃饭的时候，我坐在旁边看今天的报纸，和爸爸聊着姨夫的情况，他给我讲今天工作的事情。饭毕，妈妈正好进门，我正要收拾碗筷去厨房洗涮，爸爸开心的叫道，“啊，有个女儿就是好呀~”一旁刷碗的我默默的笑着。

【每一个人梦里都会有画面，也只有自己心里才能看得见，所以我才飞好远，有一天学会了想念】

看报纸的时候，有一则新闻吸引了我，突然想起来前几天晚上梦到萧亚轩了，这是十一年以来第三次梦到她，把次数记得这么清楚完全是因为梦到的次数屈指可数。梦里的我就像自己想象过了无数次的见面情景一样，自己激动的一把鼻涕一把泪，心跳的都要蹦出来了似的，想要用最简短的语言最少的字表达出有多喜欢她，并且喜欢了这么多年多么不容易啊。结果呢，自己愣是什么什么一头热来着，elva很冷静的看着我，说了一些对我打击不小的话然后就走了，看着她的背影我还未放弃，就跟着她，她走的已经看不到了，我还细细的听她的动静，想要继续跟着。哎，忘记了，细节都忘记了！中心思想就是，自己什么担子，一头热了！她完全不领情，还蔑视了我的情感。

这篇日志宣告失败，囧。写出来的大段文字全被delete，想说的东也西完全偏题。

So..you know the truth..the truth is that my thought is just like a sheet of blank paper now..

It sounds a little bit ridiculous..

Right. I haven't update it for quite a loooooooooooong time, and for I was enjoying my little affair with someone.. That was a sweet and memorable time.. But. It should be ceased.. maybe not ceased but never start again!

What can we believe in??

Someone said to me on line last night, exactly, early in this morning, it was 2:00 am, "the pure and kind girl have changed a lot in that she is gloomy and depressed now.." This "someone" is a best and even best friend during my younger time in the junior school. There are two pictures in her mind while we were talking then, she said,"one is that we walked together in that secret path late in the night after schhol; the other is that we two lay on her bed one night." I could remember it clearly as she did though it had gone far far away from us. Memory is something that you maybe can not remember every moment but what you can not forget for all your life.

The one who shared my love is the same. I can not remind myself of thinking but I would not forget it for the rest of my life.

 

Not having update my blog quite a long time. Neither because of the time nor the mood. I'm not quite clearly about the reason of myself at all.

So, this is the very Spring Festival, and we all know it. Going around and drop in our relatives, sitting around eat and drink, exchanging pleasures with the guys you talked even once a year or even longer.. The most confused thing that troubled me is that I always exchanged phone numbers when meeting some people who are helpful to me at the table during the festival, and then we two promised to get in touch with each in the following year. However, we both failed during the whole year. And, what is more ridiculous, we asked the number again when we meet during the next year's festival.

 

How funny! Or we are accustomed to be alone or to be so absorbed in our own life and study...that's a fantastic excuse. Or what?!

 

I learned a word Chinchin... I guess this is a proper depiction.

 

And the most frequently question I've been asked is, "when will you graduate? and what is your thought about the job?" I tried my best to pretend to be sophisticated and talked with them on the working-affairs. Beause I realized the severe situation of hunting a job nowadays though I do not wanna face it at all!

 

Maturity mean it..

 

These matters occured to me the time when I was beaten by 40% alcohol vodka on the second day of the lunar year. Am I beaten by the 40% alcohol or by myself? You know it.. You know this year is actually and undoubted a year of my transition. Plenty of issues suggested me that I should abandon some shapeless or nondescripted burden, such as love.. affection..I should turn to more rational in the following year and the year after and after...

Already one week.

 

Happiness is the only thing that filled with my heart.

 

But.

Nightmares attacked me frequently these days. Being separated with you by some inevitable reasons from my parents. Actually, I'm counting my days, from this Monday on, or to say it seemed I'm setting an countdown equipment in my memory. The exciting and passionate emotions had gone with the "time". All that fantastic feelings, happiness words, and the pillow talk with you was a most unforgetbale memory toward me. Enjoying the moment with you, I treasured every minutes and every day, enjoying your smile, I thought I was the person who owns the greatest bless from the God. I thought I was the one, only when I was with you.

 

However,

What is growing more and more is sadness and grief.

When it comes to snow, these words surely firstly occured to us. white,purity,brightness and innocent ....innocent maybe in some extent I guess.. 

 

I loved snow quite a lot once I was in my primary or junior years for that I've only saw the surface of her.

people always enjoyed the beautiful and gorgeous scenery of her but not the underneath.

 

Have you ever looked through her?

 

I HAVE..

 

It was the curiosity pursuaded me to do so, holding a handful of snow along in my hands, I wanna make sense of the material of hers. However, she's already melted to water before I could make sense of her.How cunning she is !

 

While she is like someone. someone in reality or even in your life.

 

You know her, either very well known with or merely a nodding acquaintance with, it does not matter, the matter is that you can not really find her natural personality out. She would soon change her gloss into a misguided impreesion towards you. So we'd better face the reality. Once I was very much believed the one I loved or someone I was fulled convinced. But.... the fact is not such simple issue like what in my mind.

 

Therefore, I learned to be COOL, INDEFFERENT and ISOLATED. For many many times my daddy said to me,"getting in contact with others is no harm to you, relatives and friends are all care of you much. Don't hurt the one who cares you. Do remember cold turkey can not live longer in this scoiety." But I feel sorry to him for that I can only accept the advice from him but I can not follow what he said. I wanna told him and also those who love me and care me much that "I'm not mean to hurt you, and all what I do merely out of PROTECTING myself. This is my way of living."

over and over again..

year after year..

I am exhausted alomst.. by the passionate and hopeless affection toward you.

You are the headstrem of my passion.

I wanna one way to be free.

the year of my twenty-two..

Confused about the words you said to me and the attitude you possessd.

Confusing, Amazing, too.

Is there A song or SOME songs make you feel wondering about the thing that you are doing now?

SOMEWHERE IN TIME ,she is striking me in a very sense.

Listening to it for thousands of times by choosing the repeat key on my player, and then crying,also thousands of times..

I don't know why.

Annbaby,the novelist,said that SOMEWHERE IN TIME, the song can kill a person.

I have not seize the exact meaning of her words three years before, but, now I catch it.

Deeply catch it..

Crouching on the bed with thick quilt wrap around me in midnight,   the feeling of lonely and isolated rushing out, tear is the only one to accompany with.

How dreariness I was!

I am trapped into a dilemma.

Maybe, tanglement is perpetual..

I  only konw I can't be saved ..

偶尔看到一篇名为，80后御宅族的十大烦恼之症候的文章 。据说一般80后都占了三五条，看了之后发现自己几乎一条不少全占了。

1.成天泡在网上，又不知道做什么好。80后最常说的一句话是“无聊”，尽管他们在网络上聊天花去了大把的时间。

2.浮躁，好预测未知妄下定论。对看过的电影和电视剧，会按耐不住向别人透露下一个情节或者结局。对不了解的事物，根据一丁点信息发表长篇大论的见解，并且多半是批判的。对权威毫无理由的不耐烦，但绝不公开挑战，只热衷于影响身边的几个人，并有得到认同的强烈欲望。一旦不能如愿，就不再发言，部分人会暴跳如雷，令旁人费解。

3.瘦弱，不爱运动。对健壮的人心存嘲讽，对肌肉和力量心存恐惧。在审美上受日式漫画的影响，崇尚中性美和病态美。与第一点有一定关系，在身体的耐力、韧性和爆发力上，更热衷于后者。但是在受到刺激之后，又会表现出病态的固执。这样就表现为两个极端，一方面弱不禁风，另一方面又偶尔会有惊人之举。

4.性格软弱，喜欢为自己的意志不坚定找理由。不喜欢通过沟通达到与外界的意见统一，而是表面妥协，内心强烈反感，表现为通常所说的叛逆。性格软弱表现在与异性相处方面就是易犯花痴，对异性的正常关怀想入非非。在弄清楚是怎么回事之后，即使真的喜欢对方，也不敢大胆追求，而是找个理由退缩。通常的理由是说自己不了解爱情，也不想了解。

5.消极，拒绝长大。不喜欢被人说成熟，尤其不能容忍被人说是老男人。不耐烦与长辈讨论一些实际的问题，反感政治，厌恶参加长辈在场的应酬。要负责任的事情，会让他们觉得焦虑不安和无奈。

6.选择性自闭，对熟人唠叨不休，对陌生人一言不发。偏爱使用方言或者网络语言等非大众语言。吸烟，但是不敬烟。喝酒，但是不敬酒。不是他们感兴趣的话题，基本上很难交谈下去。多人参与讨论时，如果没有人邀请他发言，即使他已酝酿好发言稿，还是会选择沉默。

7.习惯熬夜，25岁之前通宵次数明显较多。有时候为了“合理安排时间”，干脆用通宵来减少熬夜次数。实际上下半夜都在打瞌睡。 熬夜其实就是自闭在作怪。有熬夜习惯的人，白天就找到了关门睡觉的理由，避免了外界的骚扰。或者白天虽然没有在家睡觉，因为精神上萎靡不振，能造成“外界不关我事”的错觉，也能达到抵制外界骚扰的目的。

8.毫无理由的高傲。觉得别人不可能了解自己，并以此作为对别人不屑的理由。不愿意听别人的建议，也听不进。这种高傲连他们自己都不知道为什么。 由于时代因素，80后的自尊更为脆弱，从心理上就更趋向于自我保护，表现为对外界不信任。

9.做事不按计划，讨厌按部就班，永远不知道钱花到哪里去了。以同时看多部小说，守多部漫画为荣。喜欢同时着手几件事，忙得焦头烂额是他们喜欢的状态，尽管这些事情只要合理安排是完全可以按部就班轻松完成的。

10.不问问题，相信百度和谷歌的权威，多数人喜欢用搜索引擎思考，将搜索引擎作为自己的智囊。

 

 

I'm really suffering a lot these days.

First, from early in the morning till late in the afternoon I shall staying in hospital for an injection with four bottles of dextrose. Almost everyday in this week in spite of the injection it also have a strict forbidden on eating. I cannot eat anything with oil and also any fried food. Soda biscuit, porridge is my everydays' food also the only thing I was asked to eat. I suddenly learnt that unhealth is a kind of sin. If we don't cherish ourselves, the body would give us a sudden retaliation to punish ourselves.

Second, still a rather glommy thing. Because of the lightening and the thunder, my Pc was attacked and burned badly last night. So After-service is what my Pc needed.  How poor it is!

Ok, stop here today.

Thank you for your comments, my friends. I love all of you~

Today is the beginning of ending my three months' leisure time.

A girl of five years old came just a minute before without any words, and then she went home.That girl is my first student, and also the only one .This is the first day of my teaching career. It almost likes a joke.

Still, go on my leisure life or maybe there will be some more pupils tomorrow. I hope the ad. would take effect in this small town.

After one month and a half I would back to school. I'm wondering how can I adapt to the life at school, because I have form a habit of idleness, stay up at the night, get up at the noon.I am a idler now.